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A Neon and Kittens Christmas by Eden Darry

It’s Christmas! Probably the weirdest Christmas we’re going to see in our lifetime, but it’s Christmas all the same. If this year has taught me anything, it’s not to take those I love for granted and to make more of an effort to stay in touch with the people I care about.

I sent cards for the first time this Christmas. Normally, I’m terrible for sending Christmas cards. Terrible as in, I don’t send them. Even to people who send them to me. This year, I’ve sent them out. I have an address book – well, Catherine did all most of the work on it, but that’s beside the point.

We got our tree in November and it looks knackered now and probably wants to be put out of its misery. It’s basically a big Christmas stick at this point. Even the lights look like they really can’t be bothered, they’re probably wondering ‘what’s the point, can’t polish a turd’.

Oh, and we got a neon Santa that is so bright it’s like daytime at the front of our house all the time. The neighbours love us. They’ll love us even more next year, when I get my neon baby Jesus and Three Wise Men. I’m planning on adding new neon each year until the limitations of my front garden force me to stop. Or until the courts order me to stop.

We also have kittens this Christmas which is definitely as fun as it sounds. I realise that seems like we’re planning on getting rid of them after Christmas but don’t worry, we’d never do that. We plan to keep them until they stop being cute (kidding, I love them).

They’re the best kittens. I never have to pee alone anymore because there’s always two little pairs of eyes staring up at me or trying to climb in the bowl. Sweet.

The downside is the Christmas Stick is naked from the waist down because the kittens keep pulling off the baubles. One morning I walked into the living room to find the little robin red breast bauble eviscerated and its parts strewn across the carpet. They’d even pulled off its fuzzy hair. Not exactly in the Christmas spirit is it? Little sods. But pretty much sums up 2020 I reckon. So, from me, the kittens and the author of The Address Book, have a good one!

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